Misuse of bullet points

Bullet points are useful for lists, but I have three gripes about the way they are misused.

First gripe
They are often used when a paragraph would be more effective. Take this following example from a hospital information sheet:

After surgery:

• sit on the side of the bed initially
• transfer to the bedside chair
• walk to the bathroom
• walk freely around the ward
• progress should be gradual, no exertion.

The main idea here is that the patient should move gently at first, but it's buried at the end of the list. And isn't 'transfer' an odd word choice?

Second gripe
Another common mistake is long bulleted lists with no introductory paragraph. This causes two problems — you don't know what's most important and as the information isn't grouped, you have to mentally sort it as you read. You can easily overlook key information in such lists.

An example from the same hospital information sheet dumps sport, sex and bathing in the same list.

Following surgery:

• Short baths can be taken (10–15 minutes).
• Showers may be taken as soon as you are able to walk around.
• Wounds may get wet but should be dried thoroughly. Use a hairdryer if necessary and leave Steristrips on wounds for 5 days.
• Sport: start gradually and build up (walking, swimming, jogging), no exertion, avoid high-impact exercises for 6 weeks (3 months for pelvic floor surgery) and stop if it hurts.
• Sexual intercourse can resume after 4–6 weeks.
• After major surgery avoid heavy lifting for 3 months (i.e. no more than 10kg/2 telephone books).
• Avoid standing for long periods.
• Recommence driving when pain medication is no longer required (check with your insurance company regarding cover following surgery).
• Recovery from major surgery is dependant [sic] on the individual and may take from 4 weeks to several months.

Third gripe
My third gripe is inconsistency of style. When all bullet points relate back to the same stem statement, you should be able to read them as if they were separate statements.

Look at the structure of the above list and you can see that several of the bullet points do not relate to the stem statement (Following surgery recovery from major surgery is dependant on the individual ... ).

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Storytelling in your marketing

We all love a good story, so how can we use stories in our marketing material? It’s easier to tell stories when face-to-face with a prospect, but we can also use some storytelling concepts in our written marketing material.

How to use a storytelling structure
A storytelling structure is easy to follow as we are all familiar with how stories work. Ros Jay, author of How to Write Proposals and Reports that get Results says writing using a storytelling structure has four components: position, problem, possibilities and proposal.

Take Hansel and Gretel, for instance.

Position
Hansel and Gretel were left in the woods by their parents (woodcutter and stepmother), who couldn’t afford to look after them any longer.

Problem
They found a house made of gingerbread, but unfortunately it belonged to a wicked witch who imprisoned them.

Possibilities
They could try to escape or they could trick the witch. Otherwise they would be cooked and eaten by her.

Proposal
In the end the best option was to trick the witch by pushing her into her own oven so she burnt to death. Then Hansel and Gretel escaped and ran home.

Using this structure, if are writing a brochure or proposal, you first set the scene and make your potential clients feel you understand their situation. Often this means stating what both you and the reader already know, but you are establishing common ground.

Once you have demonstrated you understand their situation, you can discuss their problems (you would probably choose a word other than ‘problem’) and how you can help. You may not write about possibilities, but considering your client’s options helps you state the benefits, rather than just the features, of your products or services.

In my view, this structure doesn’t work as well with web copy where your writing has to be more direct. You don’t have time in web writing to do much scene setting. The exception is the US style of long-copy marketing pages (e.g. www.mequoda.com/free-reports/master-landing-page-templates).

Telling stories in your case studies
Case studies allow you to demonstrate how your products and services work in practice or how other clients have benefitted from them. In other words, they are stories, and are powerful on the web as well as in your print material.

In a blog posting, Seth Godin, author of Purple Cow and All Marketers are Liars, itemises some of the ingredients of great stories that you can use to make your case studies powerful.

• Great stories are true and trusted.
• Great stories make a promise. They promise fun, safety or a shortcut.
• Great stories are subtle. The fewer details a marketer spells out, the more powerful the story.
• Great stories happen fast.
• Great stories appeal to our senses.
• Great stories are rarely aimed at everyone. The most effective stories match the world view of a tiny audience that spreads the story.

You can read the full blog post on Seth Godin's website. http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2006/04/ode_how_to_tell.html

This article first appeared on Flying Solo's website: http://www.flyingsolo.com.au

Find out about Mary's writing courses online at www.onlinewritingtraining.com.au