What happens when we overload sentences?

Length is often blamed for sentences going awry, but the problem is more complex than that because
a long sentence sometimes works. Take Mark Twain’s beautiful example:

‘At times he may indulge himself with a long one [sentence], but he will make sure there are no folds in it, no vaguenesses, no parenthetical interruptions of its view as a whole; when he has done with it, it won’t be a sea-serpent with half of its arches under the water; it will be a torch-light procession. (57 words)

Long sentences can become confusing when we put too much information in brackets, overuse ‘which’ clauses or make our subjects too wordy.

Overloading sentences with information in brackets

We sometimes try to make our sentences convey too much information by embedding extra information in brackets. Take this sentence from a Westpac credit card brochure about international travel insurance.

‘A cardholder becomes eligible for this Overseas travel insurance when, before leaving Australia on an overseas journey, they have a return overseas travel ticket, and A$500 of each of their prepaid travel costs (i.e. cost of their return overseas travel ticket, and/or airport/departure taxes; and/or their prepaid overseas accommodation/travel; and/or their other prepaid overseas itinerary items) have been charged to the cardholder’s eligible credit card account.’ (71 words)

I think it means that you have to have a return ticket before you leave the country and pre-pay at least $500 of your overseas travel expenses, including your ticket, with your credit card.

If you take out the information in brackets, the sentence is a bit easier.

‘A cardholder becomes eligible for this Overseas travel insurance when, before leaving Australia on an overseas journey, they have a return overseas travel ticket, and A$500 of each of their prepaid travel costs have been charged to the cardholder’s eligible credit card account.’

Although clearer this sentence still needs rewriting because the word ‘each’ is confusing, given that the items in brackets are followed by ‘and/or’. Also it raises questions: for example, if I pay for my accommodation with cash or another credit card, am I still eligible for insurance?

The information in brackets could have been an additional sentence using bullet points.

Overseas travel expenses include the costs of:
• Return ticket and airport departure taxes
• Prepaid overseas accommodation, travel and itinerary items

I’ve tried to tweak this sentence, but it still doesn’t work, because the thinking behind it isn’t clear. Sometimes you just have to start again and work out what you are trying to say.

Overloading them with too much information in ‘which’ clauses

Take this example that I found in the Australian Financial Review during the GFC.

‘For example, the conversion of former US investment banking giants Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley into commercial banks (which have tougher capital requirements) had the unintended consequence of squeezing funding to hedge funds – which in turn has exacerbated their dumping of assets across world markets.’ (45 words)

I have highlighted ‘which’ as causing the sentence overload, but it has an additional problem. I am not sure who ‘their’ relates to (unclear antecedent) – who’s doing the dumping?

Overloading the subject with too many words

Sentences that have a lengthy subject (nominal group or noun phrase) are difficult to read. 

[The young male rats that were from the same colony as the rats with symptoms of the disease, but which do not show sign of the disease at this stage of their development] were used as the control group.

Rewritten to make the subject shorter:

[The symptom-free young male rats] were used as the control group. These rats were from the same colony as the rats showing symptoms of the disease.

What other causes of overloaded sentences have you noticed?

Why learn grammar?

When extolling the virtues of learning grammar, some people take a ‘shame’ approach.

‘If you use poor grammar,’ they say, ‘you damage your own reputation and, if you’re writing on behalf of your organisation, you damage the brand.’

And today with social media, mistakes linger even if they are quickly removed in the real world. I still recall Myer’s signage blunder in January 2013. Like many other people, I chuckled and ‘tut-tutted’. (Early bird get’s the right size.)

But I also thought, ‘I’m glad I didn’t make that mistake’. I am capable of making plenty of grammatical mistakes and typos and could even miss a rogue apostrophe. Sometimes the more I look at something, the less capable I am of seeing it clearly. I am not alone in word-blindness – most of us find it hard to proofread our own writing.  

So apart from shame, what are the compelling reasons to learn grammar?

Understanding grammar improves your writing
Understanding how the English language works, and having the tools to analyse it, increases your confidence in your writing. With a knowledge of grammar rules, you can use language for maximum impact and avoid ambiguities caused by sloppy use of the language.

Also, when you have a gut feeling that a sentence isn’t right, you can analyse it to work out where the flaw lies.

As the US National Council of Teachers of English says:

‘Grammar is important because it is the language that makes it possible for us to talk about language. Grammar names the types of words and word groups that make up sentences not only in English but in any language. As human beings, we can put sentences together even as children – we can all do grammar. But to be able to talk about how sentences are built, about the types of words and word groups that make up sentences – that is knowing about grammar. And knowing about grammar offers a window into the human mind and into our amazingly complex mental capacity.

‘People associate grammar with errors and correctness. But knowing about grammar also helps us understand what makes sentences and paragraphs clear and interesting and precise.’
Read more at http://www.ncte.org/positions/statements/qandaaboutgrammar

Appreciate how language evolves
Another reason for learning grammar is to dispel the grammar myths that many of us were taught at school and to appreciate how language changes. I guarantee some of you were taught that you must never start a sentence with But, And, Because, Hopefully, However or Therefore. All these words are now acceptable ways of beginning a sentence.

Through paying attention to language, you gain a greater appreciation of the richness of its ever-evolving nature. Twitter and texting are changing the way we communicate, but the language isn’t diminished; the rules just change to accommodate usage. For instance, changes I have noted lately include:

• Words change – ‘nerd’ has more positive connotations than it used to, and ‘ought’, ‘shall’ and ‘brevity’ are seldom used.
• Acronyms change their meaning – LOL, which used to mean ‘love of love’ and then morphed to ‘laugh out loud’, has again subtly changed its meaning to convey empathy.
• Semicolons ( ; ) are used less frequently.

The inventiveness and robustness of the English language continues to amaze me.

AussieSpeak - some Australian and American spelling differences

Some of the main differences include:

• Australian English uses 'ise' or 'yse' and American English 'ize' or 'yze':

          organise, recognise, analyse (Au)

          organize, recognize, analyze (US)

• Australian English uses 'our' and American English 'or':

          colour, honour, flavour (Au) (An exception is the Australian Labor Party's name.)

          color, honor, flavor (US)

• Australian English uses 're' and American English 'er':

          centre, theatre, metre (Au)

          center, theater, meter (US)

Other Australian and American English spelling differences

• Both '-able' and '-eable' are used in Australian English (usable, useable), but American English just uses '-able' (usable).
• Australian English uses '-ae' with some words (paediatrician, anaesthetic) and '-e' with others (encyclopedia, medieval). American English uses '-e' (pediatrician).
• American English has no 'e' in words such as judgment, acknowledgment and abridgment, while Australian English use both forms (judgment and judgement).
• Australian English uses 'oe' for some words (homoeopath, oestrogen), and '-e' for others (homeostasis, not homoeostasis). US English uses '-e' (estrogen).
• Australian English uses '-ogue' with words such as catalogue and dialogue, and US English tends to drop the 'ue' (catalog, dialog).
• A few other words with different spelling are grey/gray (US), cheque/check (US) and tyre/tire (US).

Some US spellings creep into the Australian language and are adopted over time. One example is program, which is now more common than programme.

Australian spelling is more closely aligned to British English than American English. You can read about American and British spelling differences at http://bit.ly/a0HDd

About Mary Morel
Mary Morel is the founder of Online Writing Training and works with organisations to improve the quality of their board papers. Online Writing Training offers online writing courses.

AussieSpeak – further, lie, towards, dependent and dependant

Further and farther
In Australian and New Zealand English, farther is not very common. We use further to mean both ‘at a greater distance’ and ‘in addition, more, moreover’.

     How much further to go?
     We need to investigate further.

Farther is used more in the US where many writers split the meanings, saying farther relates to distance and further to ‘in addition, more, moreover’.

     How much farther to go?
     We need to investigate further.

Lay and lie
Lay, lady, lay, across my big brass bed. (Australians would say ‘Lie lady lie…’.)
He laid down on the bed and cried. (Australians would say ‘He lay down…’.)

In British (and Australian and NZ) English, lie is an intransitive verb, i.e. doesn’t take an object (you can’t lie something) and its past tense is lay: ‘we lay down an hour ago’. (When lie means to tell an untruth, the past tense is lied.)

The verb lay in the present tense is transitive, i.e. takes an object, ‘please lay the table’, and its past tense is laid: ‘she laid the table an hour ago’.

Also, Americans say ‘the lay of the land’ whereas Australians say ‘the lie of the land’, though lay has always been permissible and is creeping in more and more.

toward and towards
Toward and towards can be used interchangeably, but Americans tend to use toward, and Australians, towards.

dependant and dependent
In Australian and New Zealand spelling, dependant is a noun and means someone who depends on support from others. This support often has a financial component.

     The child is a dependant.

Dependent is an adjective and means relying on.

     The outcome is dependent on the test results.

American spelling uses dependent for both meanings. Much simpler!

About Mary Morel
Mary Morel is the founder of Online Writing Training and works with organisations to improve the quality of their board papers. Online Writing Training offers online writing courses.

Is the subjunctive dying?

‘The subjunctive mood is in its death throes, and the best thing to do is put it out of its misery as soon as possible.’
Somerset Maugham, A Writer's Notebook, 1949

Is this true?

One of the most common usages of the subjunctive is to express wishes or conditions contrary to fact. The only grammatical indication of this mood is that with singular subjects we use were instead of was.

     If I were a millionaire, I would stop work tomorrow.
     If he were honest, we wouldn’t be in this situation.

Today, many people would use was instead.

     If I was a millionaire, I would stop work tomorrow.
     If he was honest, we wouldn’t be in this situation.

My opinion: I still like the subjunctive in these types of sentences, but am not sure it matters.

We use what is known as the mandative subjunctive to express requests, demands, suggestions and recommendations.

The mandative subjunctive is indicated by the use of the base form of the verb (love, skip) with singular subjects.

     I insist that he eat at the table.
     He demanded that the motion be put.

Once again, many people would say:

     I insist that he eats at the table.
     He demanded that the motion was put.

My opinion: I think the mandative subjunctive is more common in formal than informal language. In informal language we often use an auxiliary verb rather than the subjunctive.

     I insist that he should eat at the table.

I don’t have strong feelings either way, but I read a lot of recommendations in board papers and wish they were consistently constructed. For example, either:

     It is recommended that the board approve the policy.
     It is recommended that the board approves the policy.

We also use what is known as the formulaic subjunctive for idiomatic expressions with the meaning of let or may.

     Long live the King!
     Perish the thought!
     Come what may…

My opinion: The formulaic subjunctive will live on in commonly used idiomatic expressions, but some old-fashioned expressions such as Perish the thought may die out.

My overall opinion
My research suggests that the subjunctive is more commonly used in the USA than in Australia or Britain, so I think it is unlikely to die out altogether. 

And sometimes the subjunctive just sounds better.

The following line by Shakespeare would not read as well without the subjunctive.

     If music be the food of love, play on.
     If music is the food of love, play on.

I like the subjunctive, but I value consistency more, and wish that writers understood it better and made informed decisions about whether to use it or ditch it.

Learn more about grammar by doing one of my online grammar programs at www.onlinewritingtraining.com.au

Delete clutter from your writing

Short sentences are easier to read than long, complex sentences. Readability tests prove this. As is usually the case with English, there are exceptions to this rule, and long sentences can work well. As Joseph M. Williams says in Style: Toward Clarity and Grace:

'Every competent writer has to know how to write a concise sentence and how to prune a long one to readable length. But a competent writer must also know how to manage a long sentence gracefully, how to make it as clear and as vigorous as a series of short ones.'

This is illustrated by the following sentence written by Mark Twain.

'At times he may indulge himself with a long one [sentence], but he will make sure there are no folds in it, no vaguenesses, no parenthetical interruptions of its view as a whole; when he has done with it, it won’t be a sea-serpent with half of its arches under the water; it will be a torch-light procession. (57 words)'

Delete, delete, delete

When you’re looking for words and phrases to delete or replace, watch out for:

• Unnecessary prepositions, such as to, by, up and in

               open up (open)
               total of 12 bottles (12 bottles)

• • Meaningless phrases that are often clichés

               at this point in time
               at the end of the day
               it is of the utmost importance

• Redundant words, which are often adverbs or adjectives

               12 noon (noon)
               assemble together (assemble)
               completely destroyed (destroyed)
               exact same (same)

Delete your own clutter

If you can’t immediately spot your own clutter, try underlining the words that are essential for the meaning. Then you’ll see how many unnecessary words you have used. Alternatively, put brackets around words you could delete and see how the sentence reads without them.

Another method is to think of working words and glue words. ‘Working words’ are essential for meaning. ‘Glue words’ are those that make the sentence stick together. While you need some glue words, most of us tend to use too many.

The working words in the following sentence are in bold.

A meeting was held by the management team for the purpose of discussing the document with relation to the settlement date. (21 words)

The sentence could be rewritten without using all the working words:

The management team met to discuss the settlement date. (9 words)

Learn more about how to improve your writing with Mary Morel's online program, The Art of Writing Sentences.

Common mistakes to watch for when editing

Here are some of the common mistakes and inconsistencies that I have to watch for when editing my own and other people’s writing.

1. Agreement with company names

In Australian and New Zealand English, company names take a singular verb, yet many of us use a plural verb, or switch between singular and plural. This is an easy mistake to make because although we are writing about an entity, we are often thinking about the people within the organisation.

     Bonds is a well known brand. (correct)
     Bonds are a well known brand. (incorrect)

2. Capitalisation

Many people were taught to capitalise everything that seemed ‘important’, but the modern trend is to use lower case apart from titles, defined terms or proper nouns. Even worse than overcapitalisation is inconsistent capitalisation – and this is common.

     The company manages some investments for the Fund.
     The managers gave a presentation to the fund.

3. Hyphenation

It’s easy to be inconsistent in hyphen usage. You may hyphenate a word in one place, but treat it as one word elsewhere.

     semi-colon
     semicolon (my preference)

4. Numbers

Many style guides recommend using words for one to nine and numerals for 10+, yet many writers switch between words and numbers indiscriminately. Check for consistency and decide how you will deal with small and large numbers in the same sentence.

     There were 5 applicants for one job and 12 for the other.
     There were five applicants for one job and 12 for the other.

5. Punctuation in lists

Check your lists when editing to make sure you are punctuating similarly structured lists the same way. Inconsistency problems often occur when points in a list all relate grammatically to an initial statement. You need to decide whether to capitalise the first word in each point and whether to use punctuation at the end of any of the points.

You can read more about punctuation in lists at http://www.onlinegrammar.com.au/punctuation-in-lists/

6. Headings

With a long document, it is helpful to set a hierarchy of headings so you can check your structure by looking at ‘View: Document map’ in Microsoft Word.

If you repeat a heading in another section, make sure you use the same heading. When I am writing a proposal, I repeat my headings when giving prices, and am surprised how often I use slightly different wording.

7. Acronyms and abbreviations

We all use acronyms and abbreviations, but they can get out of control, especially in long documents when acronyms and full terms are often used interchangeably. The convention is to spell them out the first time and use the acronym from then on.

     subject-matter expert (SME)...
     The SME...

I find when I am reading some board papers, I am constantly googling terms. This doesn’t always work because some are industry-specific.

If you have several people working on a document, it helps to set a style list first to reduce the amount of post-work editing needed.

Learn more

If you want to learn more about punctuation and styles, sign-up for an Online Writing Training course.

The changing role of the exclamation mark

It’s hard to imagine, but the exclamation mark didn’t become a standard feature on keyboards until the 1960s. For years its usage was fairly standard and we used exclamation marks for:

• Urgent commands (Run!)
• Expressing emotions (We won!)
• Irony (‘How nice!’ she said when I told her I was working over the Christmas break.)

Yet over the last decade, the exclamation mark appears to be morphing from an expression of strong emotion to a statement of friendliness. Or in the case of spammers, to add urgency to subject lines!

However, its bad reputation as a sign of sloppy writing remains. Take these quotes:

‘So far as good writing goes, the use of the exclamation mark is a sign of failure. It is the literary equivalent of a man holding up a card reading “laughter” to a studio audience.’
Miles Kingston, Punch

‘Except in poetry the exclamation mark should be used sparingly. Excessive use of exclamation marks in expository prose is a sure sign of an unpractised writer or of one who wants to add a spurious dash of sensation to something unsensational.’
Fowler's Modern English Usage

The use of an exclamation mark to express irony seems to be dying. A more common usage is several exclamation marks in a row to express sarcasm, and some writers now express irony through emoticons, such as a smiley face or a wink.

While the exclamation mark is dying as a way of expressing irony, its use in emails is growing. Many writers who responded to my e-newsletter piece on emails, admitted to using exclamation marks in emails, though some said they tried to limit the number they used and would often delete some before pressing ‘send’.

In an article in the Guardian (‘The Joy of Exclamation Marks!’), Stuart Jeffries quotes David Shipley and Will Schwalbe, who defend exclamation marks in their book, Send: The Essential Guide to Email for Office and Home.

Shipley and Schwalbe state that ‘I'll see you at the conference' is a simple statement of fact, whereas 'I'll see you at the conference!' lets your readers know you’re pleased and excited about the event. The authors also state that email has a ‘dulling quality that almost necessitates kicking everything up a notch just to bring it to where it would normally be’.

Jeffries also quotes research by Carol Waseleski (‘Gender and the Use of Exclamation Points in Computer-Mediated Communication’), who found that women use more exclamation marks than men. Ouch! Or is that a good thing if exclamation marks increase friendliness?

I don’t use exclamation marks in formal writing, but I do in emails. When I think about why I use them in emails, it’s often because I’m writing in haste and exclamation marks are a short-cut (lazy?) way of attaching some emotion (not just friendliness) to my words. Sometimes an exclamation mark seems to soften a statement or give my writing a bit more oomph. Yes, I could write without them, but they are handy.

How is your use of exclamation marks changing?

Online punctuation course

If you want to improve your punctuation, why not do Online Writing Training's An A to Z of Punctuation?

Favourite authors who write about writing

Like most writers, I enjoy reading about writing, so thought I would share some of my favourite authors who have influenced my writing.

Joseph M. Williams was a professor at the University of Chicago and wrote several books on writing, including Style: Toward Clarity and Grace.

I am not as avid a fan as I used to be, but he was the first writer who challenged the way I thought about sentences, so I am indebted to his work.

Kate Burridge is Chair of Linguistics at Monash University. She's written several books, including Blooming English: Observations on the roots, cultivation and hybrids of the English Language.

Her writing is entertaining and I like the way she challenges some plain language tenets, such as the active voice is the better than the passive, and disagrees with Lynne Truss (Eats, Shoots & Leaves) about some aspects of apostrophes.

William Zinsser taught at Yale University and his most famous book is On Writing Well. This book has sound advice and is an enjoyable read. Will it challenge your thinking? Probably not, but you'll be reminded of some fundamental writing principles.

Luke Sullivan, author of Hey, Whipple, Squeeze This. As Amazon says, this book is a 'funny, irreverent overview of the good, the bad, and the ugly in advertising'. It's also relevant for marketers.

Robert W. Bly is a prolific writer on marketing copy. When I was learning how to promote myself, I found his information invaluable. I haven't read anything of his in recent times, but I am sure he is still worth reading. http://bly.com/

Stephen King, author of horror books and a book called On Writing. I enjoyed this book because –– – being part memoir and part writing advice – it is entertaining and easy to read.

Dorothea Brande's famous book Becoming a Writer was published in 1934. It's still a classic for anyone interested in writing fiction, reminding you how writing requires commitment and practice.

Websites and blogs

I realise as I wrote this list that I am stuck in the realm of books. So, please help me broaden my world of writing to include blogs and more websites. Comment below or email mary@themfactor.com.au Thanks.

Acronyms and initialisms

We often use the term acronym for all first-letter abbreviations, but strictly speaking, an acronym is a string of initial letters that are pronounced as a word, for example, AIDS, which stands for ‘acquired immune deficiency syndrome’.

Some acronyms have become such an accepted part of the language that they are seldom spelt out, for example, scuba, sonar and Qantas. Indeed, most people struggle to remember what they originally stood for.

scuba – self-contained underwater breathing apparatus
sonar – sound navigation and ranging
Qantas – Queensland and Northern Territory Aerial Services

An initialism is a string of initial letters that is not pronounced as a word, for example, FAQ, which stands for ‘frequently asked question’. In most instances, you need to spell out the full name of a term when you use it for the first time, then put the initialism in brackets directly after it.

Fire and Rescue New South Wales (FRNSW) released its annual report.

Guidelines for using acronyms and initialisms

If you are writing a document that contains several different initialisms or acronyms, consider ways to avoid constantly repeating them. For example, environmental impact statement (EIS) could become the statement, and Program of All-inclusive Care for the Elderly (PACE) could become the program.

Alternatively, you could provide a glossary of terms at the back.

Initialisms and capitals
Many initialisms are written in capitals, but when you spell out the words, the normal rules of capitals apply.

New South Wales (NSW)
earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation and amortisation (EBITDA)

A or an and the with initialisms and acronyms
Let the spoken word be your guide when deciding whether to use a or an before an initialism or acronym.

He made an STD call to talk to his mother.

If an initialism or acronym can be pronounced as a word (NATO, UNESCO, ASIC), it does not generally need to take the definite article (the). Other abbreviated names are usually preceded by the.

NATO has its headquarters in Brussels.
The KGB is a Russian organisation.

Plurals of initialisms and acronyms
Most initialisms are made plural by adding an s. There is no need for an apostrophe.

MPs not MP’s
ISPs not ISP’s

If an acronym ends with s, you add an s, not es, for example, SOSs (not SOSes).

Australian states and territories
Some organisations use capitals for all states, for example, NSW, VIC, QLD, but the conventional method is to use capitals for initialisms and the first few letters for state names that are one word:

ACT   
NSW
NT    
Qld
SA
Tas
Vic
WA 

Common mistakes with acronyms and initialisms

Common style mistakes are using:

• Quotation marks inside the brackets (“NSWFB”)
• Full stops between each letter (F.A.Q.)
• Apostrophes with plural initialisms (FAQs not FAQ’s)

Five commonly confused words

Online Writing Training's online program, 100 Commonly Confused Words, includes the following words.

advice and advise

If a financial advisor advises you well, you may follow the advice. Memory jog: unwanted advice is a vice.

 

 

affect and effect

The weather affects the town and the effect (result) is disastrous. Memory jog: a for action.

dependant and dependent

A child is a dependant. She relies on others for her keep.

The man is dependent on his computer. He needs it even when he's on the bus.

 

deserts or desserts?

If you receive an appropriate punishment, do you get your just deserts or just desserts?

Answer: just deserts

This word is not related to deserts of sand and cactus or desserts that are puddings. This deserts comes from the same word as deserve.

it's and its

It's a wise dog that scratches its own fleas. (Strunk & White)

It's is short for it is and its is possessive. The fleas belong to the dog.

 

Blogging fatigue - is it worth it?

Last month I started to feel a bit overwhelmed by social media and wondered how anyone managed to get anything done while trying to keep up with all the demands of social media: tweeting, blogging, updating Facebook, connecting on Linkedin and so on.

And for a while I lost sight of what I was communicating and started to focus on the stats: I must reach 30 likes on Facebook to see my stats; I must reach 200 connections on Linkedin (other people have 500+); how many people are looking at my websites this month?

I regained my sanity by reading Debbie Weil’s book, The Corporate Blogging Book. Though aimed at the corporate market rather than at individuals, it is relevant for anyone who blogs. As she says on her website: ‘Blogging is no longer optional. A blog is a next-generation Web site. A blog is the home base of your social media strategy. Think of it as the hub of the wheel.’

She says a good corporate blog is updated frequently. I am never going to meet her measure of a couple of times a week, but agree that once started, a blog needs to be maintained. In terms of writing style she says: ‘The writing voice is authentic, friendly and conversational... A good blog serves up a hard-to-quantify mix of information, opinion and controversy. Er, controversy? Yes, even if it just means acknowledging a problem with your product or service. And then listening to feedback from your readers.’

But if we’re being controversial, what about the backlash? I write about grammar and writing topics and sometimes cringe when people respond to my views on grammar. When people are commenting on the blogosphere they seem to forget that they are writing to real people and think it is OK to be really rude.

Debbie Weil says: ‘When it comes to corporate blogging, the elephant in the room is fear.’ She lists the following fears: time, legal liability, employees wasting time on blogs, getting bitten by the blogosphere, damaging your brand by allowing negative comments, poor writing, lack of business results, managing the technical aspects of a blog, and losing control.

None of those fears is enough to stop us blogging though. In 2011, NM Incite, a Nielsen/McKinsey company, tracked over 181 million blogs around the world, up from 36 million in 2006.

But what about the results? Debbie Weil says the ROI of blogging is not a return on investment that can be measured in dollars, rather a ROB (return on blog) that results in more ‘connections, discovery, information, word-of-mouse, leverage, amplification and efficiencies’. You can still measure the success of your blog, even if not by dollars, and the most obvious measure is search engine results.

What makes for a successful blog? Debbie Weil maintains the success of a blog is ultimately determined by the satisfaction of the person writing it. She quotes an AOL survey of 600 bloggers that found nearly 50 per cent reported blogging was a form of therapy.

Now, I do not intend to think of my blog as therapy, but I will take my focus off my stats and continue to write about topics that enthuse and interest me.

Sign up for my newsletter and learn about my writing courses online at www.onlinewritingtraining.com.au

Bullet points or prose in executive summaries

Many writers use bullet points in executive summaries on the basis that they are short and to the point, and because they believe that most readers prefer to read bullet points rather than prose.

It is true that bullet points can be short and to the point, but the choice between bullet points or prose should be based on purpose, not what you think people prefer.

If your summary is factual and you are outlining highlights and issues, then bullet points work well. In such a list each point is a separate fact or event and you do not need to show the interconnectedness between them. 

Writing to persuade
If you are writing to persuade, for example in a proposal or business case, prose is more effective, because you want to lead your reader through your arguments. Persuasive writing is storytelling.

For example:

• Company X does a, b and c.
• There are d employees engaged in producing a, b and c.
• The overhead costs are $e per annum.
• Other companies using our services have reduced their overhead costs by up to f%.
• X could reduce its overhead costs by using our services.

In prose, this could read as:

Company X employs d employees to produce a, b and c, with overhead costs of $e per annum.

X could reduce its overhead costs by using our services. Other companies using our services have reduced their costs by up to f%.

Should your proof come before your offer?
Looking at the above example, a colleague and I debated which should go first: what you can do for the client or what you have done for other clients?

In my opinion, people want to know what you can do for them before hearing the proof of what you have done for others. My colleague’s argument was that your credibility comes before your offer.

Sign up for my newsletter and learn about my writing courses online at  www.onlinewritingtraining.com.au

First, second and third person writing

The point of view or person you choose for your writing helps create your tone and perspective.

• First person writing uses 'I' and 'we'. 'I' writing is personal, but 'we' is often used collectively to refer to an organisation or group.
• With second person writing, you talk directly to your reader using 'you' language. The second person is used extensively in marketing material and also to provide information.
• Third person writing uses 'he', 'she', 'it' and 'they'. It is more formal than the first and second person and is often used in reports, policies and scholarly texts.

Most of us use the right person instinctively. But if you're stuck think about what you want to achieve and your audience.

Second person writing
There is an increasing trend, particularly in marketing writing, to use the second person extensively. It is powerful. 'You' language helps creates the sense that the writer is talking directly to you, so you feel engaged and involved. It's also a useful technique to help you, the writer, concentrate on what the reader wants to know rather than what you want to say. When people write in the second person their language is often more active and direct.

Third person writing
Third person writing is more authoritative and objective than first or second person writing. It's the language we're used to reading in our daily newspapers.

Third person writing is also more distant. This can be a disadvantage if you want to engage your reader, but an advantage if you're writing about negative topics, such as poor management, and don't want to imply that your reader is guilty (even if you know they are).

First person writing
'I' is personal and informal and is still not appropriate in a lot of business and marketing writing. But businesses of all sizes often use 'we' to personalise their services. For example, 'Discover what we're doing across the regions'.

Don't confuse your reader by switching person in the middle of a sentence. For example say:

After you attend a course, you must fill out an evaluation form.
or
After people attend a course, they must fill out an evaluation form.
Not
After a person attends a course, you must fill out an evaluation form.

For fun
There's a website that claims it can give you an instant indication of how customer-focused your website is. I'm sure it's based on how often you use the word 'you' compared with 'we'. Try it out and see how well you score!
http://www.futurenowinc.com/wewe.htm

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Writing referencing styles

The two main reference systems used in business writing are the author-date system and the documentary-note system. The Vancouver system, which is similar to the documentary-note system, is used in scientific writing. Many organisations develop their own referencing style based on either the author-date or documentary-note system.

Referencing within text

The author-date system, also known as the Harvard system, identifies in brackets the author’s name and date of publication.

     This study (Brown, 2008) demonstrates...

The documentary-note system uses endnotes or footnotes for references and comments.

     The study¹demonstrates...

Reference lists and bibliographies

People use the terms ‘reference list’ and ‘bibliography’ interchangeably. Both appear at the end of a document and are written in a similar manner, but a reference list documents all the works that were specifically referred to in the text, while a bibliography includes other works that were consulted as the document was being compiled.

The author-date and documentary-note system have several features in common:

• Books and periodical titles are italicised.
• Single quotation marks are used for article names and for chapters within books.
• Items within a reference are separated by commas (though there is no comma between the author and date in the author-date system).
• No full stops are used after authors’ initials.

The difference between the author-date and documentary-note systems lies in how the author’s name is written and in the position of the date of publication.

• In the author-date system, the author's first name or initials follows the family name, and is followed by the date.
• In the documentary-note system, the author's initials precede the family name, and the date is placed at the end of the citation.
• In the author-date system, the author’s first name or initials follows the family name, and is followed by the date.
• In the documentary-note system, the author’s initials precede the family name, and the date is placed at the end of the citation.

Examples of author-date references
Book: Flann, E, Hill, B 2004, The Australian Editing Handbook, 2nd edn, John Wiley & Sons, Milton.
Article: Tadros, E February 2009, ‘Shoppers log on for a bargain’, The Sun-Herald.

Examples of documentary-note references
Book: E Flann, B Hill, The Australian Editing Handbook, 2nd edn, John Wiley & Sons, Milton, 2004.
Article: Tadros, E, ‘Shoppers log on for a bargain’, The Sun-Herald, February 2009.

Page number references

When referring to page numbers in the body of a document, use page or pages. In references, abbreviate to p. for page or pp. for pages. Have a space between the abbreviation and the page number.

     There is more information on company fraud on page 98.
     Fraud (pp. 98–103) is a major contributor to the company’s losses.

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Writing endings

Often we concentrate on openings and fizzle out at the end, forgetting that some people read beginnings and endings first, and the final note is sometimes what sticks in the mind. With reports, I don't think it matters if a section ends abruptly, but with media articles and blogs, it does.

A clever ending
An example of a clever ending is quoted in Writing for Journalists by Sally Adams and Harriet Gilbert, Routledge, 1999. This article was written for Observer years ago, but the topic still has relevance today.

'BT is tightening up its telephone security system after its confidential list of ex-directory numbers was penetrated – by a woman from Ruslip.'

[She sold this data to newspapers and was eventually caught and convicted.]

'Last night the Observer was unable to contact [X] by telephone. She is ex-directory.

Writing tips

• Echo your introduction, but don't repeat it word for word.
• Make a strong, not a timid, statement – it can be positive or negative.
• Put the powerful words at the end in the 'punch' position.
   'It was my mother, cold and dead.' Dickens.

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Online apostrophe program launch

Online Writing Training has just launched its new apostrophe program – the fifth in the series. You only have to think back to Myer’s post-Christmas sale mistake last year to realise the importance of this little punctuation mark when it comes to reputation and credibility.

Nothing says more about a brand than correct spelling, grammar and punctuation!

To celebrate the launch of this succinct and easy-to-use (and possibly long-overdue) program, we’re offering it to you at the special price of $9.95 GST incl (RRP $19.95).

Visit www.onlinewritingtraining.com.au to register (if you aren’t already registered), and use the promotional code ‘owt010dbi’ to receive your discount when buying the program. The discount will show on the PayPal payment page.

And, as always, all feedback most welcome!

The power of headings and subheadings

Good layout improves readability. A dense, difficult to read piece can be simply and easily improved by the use of white spaces. You can gain white space by using headings and subheadings, short paragraphs and bulleted lists.

Placing subheadings through your work has the added bonus of communicating your messages at a glance. This is particularly important if you're writing for people who skimread on a tablet.

Do questions work as subheadings?
Some people use questions as subheadings. This technique is powerful if your question is specific and you ask a question which readers would like an answer to.

     Do you close the bathroom door even when you're the only one home?
     Psychology Today

On the other hand, poorly worded questions which are general and vague do not inspire people to read on.

     What do you do if you have a problem?

Statements as subheadings
Brief statements that sum up what the following paragraphs are about also make effective subheadings because the reader can tell at a glance what the section is about. Ideally, subheadings should be descriptive phrases using key terms, rather than bland single word subheadings that don't mean much.

Compare:

• Curfew
• Curfew imposed after unrest

Cater for different types of readers. Some people skimread headings first and others skip them completely. So don't treat your subheadings as part of your text. It's OK to repeat the subheading's message in the following sentence.

One-or-two word headings
Short phrases with specific words are usually better than one-or-two word subheadings, but many templates have one-or-two-word headings to break documents into major sections. These headings are often mandatory (e.g. Background, Recommendations).

Read your subheadings separately
Once you have finished writing, read your subheadings separately and see if they are telling your key messages. If they are, then your subheadings are doing a good job.

 

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Writing executive summaries

An executive summary gives you the guts of a document and makes you want to read the rest of the document to find out the detail. It is not an introduction so should not include much background information. Background can be referred to, but not covered in detail.

Writing an effective executive summary is a synthesising, rather than a writing, skill. Most people write the executive summary at the end when they have finished writing their document, some writers compile it as they are writing, and a few write it at the beginning to clarify their thinking.

If you write your executive summary first, you must refine it at the end to make sure your document flows and in case your thinking has changed slightly during the writing process.

One way of writing or rewriting an executive summary is to read through the document again and underline or highlight key words and phrases. There is nothing wrong with copying and pasting words into the executive summary for a first draft, but you must then paraphrase the copy.

Once you have finished writing and before the paper goes up the management chain, you should ask a subject-matter expert and someone who knows nothing about the topic to read your summary.

Having someone who knows nothing about the topic read a document is helpful because we have the ‘curse of knowledge’ about topics we are familiar with. For instance, a board paper I read recently asked the board to support a voluntary program, but did not describe the program, making the assumption that all directors would have heard of it.

Jargon is always an interesting question. All organisational guidelines I have ever read say ‘don’t use jargon’, but I seldom read reports with no jargon. Having acknowledged that, jargon should still be kept to a minimum in an executive summary and acronyms spelt out with the abbreviation in brackets – Australian Taxation Office (ATO).

Many reports are written in the third person, which automatically makes them more formal than other types of writing. The challenge is to find the right balance. Most writers find this tone intuitively, but some make the mistake of thinking that big words and abstract terms make them sound more intelligent. The reverse is true; all readers respect concise, direct language.

Writing tips

• Write one sentence stating the main message you wish to convey.
• Read through your paper and highlight all the key words and phrases.
• Group your ideas in logical order from the readers’ point of view.
• Summarise any material you have copied and pasted.
• Write in plain English — even for technical papers.
• Delete any superfluous information.
• Put yourself in the readers' shoes to see if the executive summary anticipates and answers the readers' questions.

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Reviewing and editing

Before you start editing someone’s writing, you need to be clear about the brief. The four types or stages of editing are:

• Reviewing
• Structural editing
• Copyediting
• Proofreading

If your brief is to proofread a document, you may check accuracy with the writer, but your focus will be on the little things, such as grammatical errors and typos, that detract from the document.

When you’re reviewing a document, you overlook the little things to make sure the document is logical and leaves no questions unanswered.

Your brief may be to do all types of edits for the same document in which case, you must start at the top with the review.

Reviewing

When you review a document, you need to place yourself in your readers' shoes and ask yourself if the report works:

• Will the readers be informed?
• Will the readers be able to make an informed decision?

Structural editing
With a structural edit, you need to find the bones of the report to see if the structure is appropriate. Often with this type of edit, you will cut and paste sections to change the order of the information.

Sometimes this edit will reveal gaps you need to consult the writer about. You need to take care with a structural edit that you do not change meaning.

Copyediting

When you are copyediting, your task is to improve the language and tone of a document and make sure it reads well. The paragraphs and sentences need to be clear and concise and the language appropriate.

Proofreading

Although you may have picked up some errors while copyediting, proofreading is a separate stage. If you have made comprehensive changes to the document, put it aside before proofreading it.

When proofreading, look for:

• Accuracy – correct referencing, typos etc.
• Styles – has the writer used the styles outlined in their style guide?
• Consistency at every level – headings, spacing, styles etc.
• Layout – does the report look visually attractive?

Although we seldom achieve perfect copy, a thorough edit improves clarity and readability. 

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